my timeline of landmines

"Death is a strange thing. People live their whole lives as if it does not exist, and yet it's often one of the great motivations for living. Some of us, in time, become so conscious of it that we live harder, more obstinately, with more fury. Some need its constant presence to even be aware of its antithesis. Others become so preoccupied with it that they go into the waiting room long before it has announced its arrival. We fear it, yet most of us fear more than anything that it may take someone other than ourselves. For the greatest fear of death is always that it will pass us by. And leave us there alone." -A Man Called Ove, Fredrick Backman

energy

"She explained to me that young people need lots of exercise and that we should exhaust ourselves on a daily basis or else we would have troublesome thoughts and dreams, which would result in troublesome actions."

A Tale for the Time Being, Ruth Ozeki

me and my food

I met Molly Yeh! It was like a gateway into my new SF reality of events and opportunities at my doorstep. Gosh, she was just the cutest, most expressive storyteller. Can I just like.. be your best friend? I'm pretty sure her meet cute is my fantasy meet cute, and she made me so nostalgic for the idyllic Midwestern farm life I never actually lived. And her story about cookie salad reminded me of the Eriksens in How I Met Your Mother.

made for trottin'

Summer Fave #5: aerial skills 

Maybe you've heard I'm the definition of grace and poise.

Not sure where or how because I keep a low profile...and am most definitely not either of those adjectives.

Definitely not when I'm devouring a burger. Probably not when I'm taking down several slices of watermelon in summer. These stains on my tees? Yeah, that's from tomato sauce or chili oil or the time I thought I could eat hot pot while wearing white. Can't even claim to know how to eat a salad like a lady (okay, but in all seriousness, salads are not always easy to eat). 

But especially not when I'm gnawing away at one of my favorite weird treats in the world - braised pork trotters.

herbs and potions

Currently drinking mangosteen tea because can't tell if allergies or mild cold trying to sneak its way in. Sometimes I latch onto the random Chinese medicine principals my parents raised me on. I swear by ginger tea, and every Chinese kid has had to suck down gallons of ban lan gen when fevers hit. I was on the edge of an unexplainable addiction to Chinese cough syrup one year - yes, that pitch black stuff. I've consumed goos and dissolved powders and unidentifiable hot plant waters all in the name of health. And almost all "regular" foods serve their purposes, too. "Feeling xyz? Eat more abc."

slab of belly

Where it began.

Sharing a tiny freezer with three other people means that after stuffing my section full of chops, ribs, roast, feet, and grounds, the enormous slab of belly had to be used immediately. I know my little Uva is on the miniature side of the size scale, but that was not an insignificant portion of belly.

if bean bag chairs could be woven from bread

This little bun sits so unassuming.  All alone on this oversized plate.  Just a few seconds earlier, there were ten more of its identical buddies surrounding it like a wild mushroom patch or a collection of fat cells.  Puffy balls concealing a golden secret.

kimchi and friends

The sun will always rise.  Puppies will always be cute.  I will always have an unhealthy attachment to my bed.  And there will always be leftover filling after a meal of dumplings.  That's just the way it is.

I had very little desire to make more dumplings (especially since I have enough to fry up for another post), which is how I stumbled across this.

year of the sheep

Apparently it was National Margarita Day yesterday, and some part of me must have known because I was really craving one on Friday.  Too bad the home of the 99 cent margaritas has closed down.

But I decided to spend all weekend celebrating Chinese New Year.  Dumpling potluck party x2.  And because I was feeling ambitious, I made three fillings and hand rolled half my skins.  My hands were otherwise preoccupied with raw meats and perpetually covered with flour, which is why I only got away with three pictures.

Filling number one: gotta go with the classic.  Pork and chive.  I had to call the rents to double check what and how much goes into the filling because it just didn't feel like something I could find an online recipe for.  Not dumplings.  Everyone kind of has their own way of making it, and I wanted it the way I eat it at home.  The smell of a big bowl of chives and sesame oil is fantastic.

 Skins take so freaking long to make (for an amateur).  I remember the first time I tried rolling some out last year or so - they tore.  I rolled out three before it just felt like a waste.  At least there was no tearing this time around, but it was quite a trying wrist workout and a super slow process. done in stages.  This is not something that will happen often.

The result was mini dumplings.  So cute I just wanted to eat it... and I did.

Filling number two: seafood.  Shrimp and napa cabbage with a bit of shiitake.  I love the way shrimp filling looks through the cooked and translucent wrapper.  Bright pink with flecks of green.  I love the bite of a shrimp dumpling.  I had no idea that shrimps became so sticky when minced.

Filling number three: vegetarian but not vegan.  Egg, shiitake, cabbage, carrot, onion.  Mainly for Audrey and Margaret, but I appreciate a good veggie dumpling.  It's easy to get carried away with these - kind of like when I want to make an omelet or a sandwich.  (Put in all the things!)  And then you gotta kind of think about what's going to hold together nicely.  In the end, it was all about versatile, inexpensive ingredients, and I really liked the colorful confetti look.

Amy just taught me a tip for super flavorful fillings, and now I can't wait to make them again.  So where can I find a mortar and pestle?

pickles and mayo

We have a julienne peeler at home that I never fully took advantage of.  Pity because my knife cuts are kind of tragic.

no one taught me that

No one was there to teach me how to make pillowy pieces of Asian bread.  Arguably the best dessert bread of human existence.  This is the bread of car trips from ABQ to Los Alamos.  This is the bread of before dinner appetizers and after dinner palate cleaners.  This is the bread of versatility and wonderful Asian bakeries.  Plain (above) or stuffed with an almond/date mixture and chocolate chunks (below).
But no one was there to teach me how to make them.
I scoured online recipes and food bloggers and baking pros to find this.  Recently dubbed my go-to recipe.  Good because it makes about four so portion control.  Bad because it makes about four so not for sharing.  They are the best right out of the oven, of course.  So just go ahead and eat them all immediately.  I give you permission.

In the end, I guess I didn't need anyone to teach me how to make them.

But what about everything else?
No one taught me forgiveness.  No one taught me how to let go of grudges.  No one taught me what to do when phantoms bore so deep into your mind that you find yourself reliving feelings you thought you had forgotten.  And suddenly you are floating in and out of I-don't-know-what-this-is.  I was wrong to think that I could bury these confessions away but I keep trying to anyways.  I never learned another way.
No one told me such small words could hurt.  So I carry them with me always.
No one taught me faith.  What lesson that a little girl should learn that people will let you down?  Because no one taught me trust.  No one showed me how.
Someone tried to show me God, but no one gave me reason. 
No one taught me satisfaction.  No one warned me of last words and final chances.  So I learned regret and resentment instead.  Because no one told me I'd still be thinking about you.

wouldn't it be nice

I don't know if I've mentioned it quite yet but I have (almost) never been so grateful as I am for discovering that I have extended family here.
I'm still too much of baby to deal with being away from home, I guess.
And nothing says home quite like eating dumprings (with tons of hot sauce and kimchi - I'm pretty sure I single handedly finished 3/4 of the container) until walking becomes too much of a chore.
Worth it.  I didn't even feel guilty.

tell a story - be memorable

  Sunday nights in summer are all about FNS aka judging people/ranting about people we hate/drooling over the food.  The most annoying people are the ones who don't really have a personality (because the fail cooks will eventually leave anyways).

And the advice is always the same: make it relate-able, tell a story about your family, don't be so rehearsed, etc etc.

My dysfunctional family doesn't really have family recipes (that I know of), and I never really created food memories with my parents as a kid (well aside from dumplings but what kind of Asian child would I be if I never did that?)

leftovers

 Usually with leftovers, I throw it all into a pasta/noodle dish, but since the shrimp was leftover from another noodle dish, I went for a Korean pancake from Kitchen Wench

using shrimp, carrots, cabbage, and green onion

the result of which was not plate-able...

due to poor foresight, rushed preparation of vegetables (pretty necessary to pull some water out of the cabbage but as is common at home, the fam doesn't like to wait too long for dinner - RIP beautiful piece of sirloin to this issue), and the lack of a very very large spatula.

it also came out thicker than I wanted so we just ate it like...bread basically

But I think the main reason that I wanted to blog about this unfortunate looking thing is...

dipping sauce = leftover pad thai sauce + leftover dumpling sauce + extra sriracha

seriously, try it

thaithaithai

 I feel like the last time I bummed around at home for about 3 weeks was when I was 12. The start of this summer consisted of blowing the remains of my pitiful income from the semester on grocery shopping when I was too impatient to wait for the weekend to go with the rentals, watching endless FoodNetwork shows [and Friends] (as per usual), and collecting/dreaming of recipes [goal: finish recipe book before July]. With the occasional gawking at cooking ware in various craft stores and such (which reminds me, Southern Season is supposed to be having their cleanout...or whatever.. sale. Note to self: make excuse to leave work early).  And thus starts some dishes I've been meaning to do since the start of the school year - also a yummy way to clean out the fridge and ensure my family misses me before I head across the world and out of this terribly depressing atmosphere. Yay.

easy asian

 easy noodle soup at Alicia's apartment

 fish balls with glass noodles

Minga's starters

Finding any excuse to not write my research paper.  Page number requirements should be eliminated.

The first weekend I have a little time to bake and there are no eggs in the fridge.

ever eat until you couldn't walk...

 ...but disregarded that and ate more anyways?

All the time, actually.

I know what I'll be in 20 years.

Morbidly obese.

intro

belated

For reasons I am not completely sure, my father invited his students to cook a meal for us and some of his friends (it's okay because he bought the ingredients - oh how I would love a set up like that.  Mommy, daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a private chef).  I bet it was half-persuaded by the fact that my stepmom was in China, and my dad just didn't want to cook dinner for a night.
By the time I shuttled Jeanette, Alicia, and Billy home, the food was pretty much done, and our mouths were salivating buckets.

...as was my puppy's.