Friday, June 22, 2018

"'Not yet? Which implies that at some point I won't feel like this. But the thing people don't seem to realize is that I don't want to not feel like this. How can I not feel like this? My sadness feels right. It ... weighs the right amount, crushes me just enough. My anger is clean, it bolsters me.'" -Into the Water

"Grief was not a line, carrying you infinitely further from loss. You never knew when you would be sling-shot backward into its grip."
"Now she's grown, or at least she thinks she is. But she hasn't yet learned the mathematics of grief."
 -The Mothers


This is my brunch cake.
inside the house
outside the house

Thursday, June 21, 2018

someone else's tragedy

I think about going home to you a lot.
I think about calling you a lot.
I think about celebrating with you a lot.
I think about crying with you a lot.
I think about how I can't.
I think about how permanent your absence is.
I think about how that will never change.
I think about how it doesn't get easier with time.
I think about how it actually gets harder.
I think about my graduation.
I've had five you could not attend.
I think about what you'd tell me.
I think it'd be prettier sounding than dad's.
I think about my brother.
I think about other people.
I think about why they're sad, too.
Then I think about myself.
I think about how I can't get over you.
Because I was always think about you again.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

pre japan bay area

All I want is raw fish, grilled fish, and fried things when I go.