treehouse pizza night

Sometimes you just need to sit up in a treehouse with a view and a good friend as the sun sets with a bottle of pinot and a few personal pizzas and just lamenttttttttt.

essential business

Pretty sure there isn't any gray area about what 'essential' business is these days. There's a document somewhere. The rest is just common sense. But we all have our own ideas about what that means. Like the people who are all still itching to jog around Lake Merritt for some space in the literally perfect weather. I'm one of those people. Or the people who can't go several hours without seeing another human face. I'm not really one of these people. But I definitely become that person when a dinner party is involved. Oh how I already miss dinner parties. Especially with my main partners in dine.

best bean dish

I miss my accomplice. I miss my companion. I miss my partner.

I miss my human.

firepit season

I've missed having a backyard. One of my apartment viewings that turned into a panel interview asked "What are you looking for in your next home?" And I legit said, "A backyard. ... uh, and chill roommates. You know..." Reminds me of when I did my college interview and the guy asked what I liked doing outside of school. "Hanging out... with friends?" *shrugs*

Anyways, I didn't get that one.. well, because it turned into a panel interview, but I did end up a block over from Joyce with the better yard complete with lights and firepit (and chill roommates).

And there's only one way to break in a new firepit.

SMORES of course.

geode for our gem

five spice peaches

cinco de mayo

I've had tamale wrappers and masa in the pantry for ages. Both things have been waiting in the back of my parents' cupboards for high-school-Amelia to finally come around to making tamales. In NM, we used to keep a couple bags of frozen tamales from Sam's Club in our extra chest freezer, and I loved that shit. I would pop a few in the microwave after school and burn my tongue while watching Lizzie McGuire or Sabrina the Teenage Witch after school. Sometimes I crave a tamale for just the masa dough. 

meat and... cauliflower kind of girl

thanksgiving hangover

 I think I still have a Thanksgiving hangover. These days are always such a blur. Tomorrow is basically Christmas. I'm thinking about presents which was never a consideration (and problem) before at all. And then it'll be NYE which will roll into my birthday, and before long it'll be Thanksgiving 2019, and who knows where I'll be by then. Still sad probably. Still tired definitely. Still finding solace in all things food of course. Like these Newton Pippin apples, mmmm.

fall colors

I packed in my modestly sized duffel bag a mahogany red and burnt orange rug from Morocco, and I don't regret a thing. I haven't seen fall foliage since moving to Oakland, but that's okay when I have my tiny fall foliage rug (and moderate non cold weather...although I'll admit I miss scarves and chunky sweaters). It's become my favorite back drop on accident. 

Most recently with these cherry and apple cider caramels.

 

coffee fiends

i am asian

Specifically, I am Chinese. Full Chinese despite what some people might guess every so often. But maybe that's a testament to how different and the same Asian to Asian within or between countries are. Whatever. I'm not here to think critically about social race issues. Even though I do whenever I get on Instagram now. Especially in this climate now. And then I inevitably get overwhelmed and frustrated and retreat back to the things that don't make me want to roll over and give up. Food things.

I used to get asked all the time if Jackie Chan was my dad. There weren't a lot of Asian kids in my class growing up. It was a stupid question, not because it was racially charged, though it was, but because I grew up in dinky Los Alamos. Now, why the fuck would a Hollywood actor be living full time in nowhere, New Mexico? Maybe my parents go divorced. I don't know. All I know is that at some point during my upbringing, with this simple repeated question echoing in my head to emphasize how I was different from my classmates, I learned to resent being Chinese. Oh my god, did I want to be white like all the other kids. White families were close. White families were homey. White families were big. White families ate pancakes and spaghetti. White families were not embarrassing.

But I don't resent it anymore. Mainly because Chinese food is the best food. It's comforting and bold, inventive and unapologetic. Asking for recipes is the only way I know how to bond with my family now, and if there's one parenting mistake my dad didn't make, it's how he fed me with an anecdote behind every special dish. It was when I took Chinese food for granted that I taught myself how to cook, but now I'm obsessed with it. I miss it, so I find ways to put it in everything. 

Like the time we made pasta, and I brought the sauces. One classic, one with a Asiany twist.

alfredo <> miso alfredo
pesto <> cilantro and preserved lemon pesto
puttanesca <> puttanesca with mushroom "soy" sauce

" 'Nothing is specifically either eatable or uneatable. You could begin munching a hat, or bite a mouthful out of a wall; equally you could build a hut with the food provided at lunch.' "
-Christopher Isherwood, from Fuchsia Dunlop's Shark's Fin and Sichuan Pepper

by firelight

Christina Tosi's Chef's Table episode was so uplifting, I felt inspired by cake in a brand new way.

Her beautiful birthday cake was one of my favorite pieces of art since high school, and a triple birthday bash (in February) was the perfect excuse to finally attempt it after all these years of gawking at the pictures.

Except I ditched the sprinkles for black sesame seeds.

inaugural cooking club

It all started with a mutual obsession with Ratatouille and a mandolin.

brunch

This is my brunch cake.

inside the house

outside the house

someone else's tragedy

I think about going home to you a lot.
I think about calling you a lot.
I think about celebrating with you a lot.
I think about crying with you a lot.
I think about how I can't.
I think about how permanent your absence is.
I think about how that will never change.
I think about how it doesn't get easier with time.
I think about how it actually gets harder.
I think about my graduation.
I've had five you could not attend.
I think about what you'd tell me.
I think it'd be prettier sounding than dad's.
I think about my brother.
I think about other people.
I think about why they're sad, too.
Then I think about myself.
I think about how I can't get over you.
Because I will always think about you again.

surprise engagement

I was told it was a surprise birthday party.

It turned into a surprise engagement party.

green eggs and lamb

I missed Jo and her lamb stew, so I had to make my own.

more love

Valentine's Day is for 36 x 3 truffles for best friends.

avocado bath