lettuce turnip the beet

We were all required to buy it when we were in 8th grade for like $200 ... all because, what, it could graph.

You gotta make this dude believe that your body is a secret garden...when really, it's a public park.

Are you homeless or a hipster? Is that beard for fashion or for warmth?

I just feel like I'm absorbing all of that privilege and all of that entitlement.

Colonize the colonizer.

... for marriage it can be nice to be with somebody of your own race. The advantage is that you get to go home and be racist together.

It's like making love to a dolphin.

I did not ask to be exfoliated today.

For five years, I've packed his lunch every single day ... I did that so he'd become...dependent on me.

I don't want to lean in, okay? I wanna lie down.

Our job used to be no job.

And just fulfilling my destiny, which is to turn into a circle with eyelashes.

Yes, I know you respect me, and that's why you need to abuse me, okay?
I don't wanna die... but I also don't wanna be sure that I'm gonna live.
... instead of saying 'you're bossy,' you have to say 'you have executive leadership skills.'
I want to get to the point as a couple where I can comfortably afford sliced mango ... that $10 a box Whole Foods mango that was sliced by [a guy named Noah].
I want to be able to take a stroll on the sidewalk, see a quarter...and just keep on walking.

We live forever. And you know why we're such bad drivers? Because we're trying to die.
Hopefully if you see me in a year, I will have the kind of body where if I do a nude scene on television, people will commend me for being courageous.

Hong shao (红烧) turnip with egg

Blogged while watching Ali Wong's Baby Cobra for the second time.