summer. last days. tentative beginnings

And what better way to enjoy it than with watermelon.
Granted this was before the end of exams, but whatever.

 So.  Freshman year.

 I've noticed that everyone ended with a smile.

 An acceptance.

And I guess I feel like I should pick myself up too.

[disclaimer: the following is just my usual random ramblings.  stop here because you probably won't care.  because it comes off as a bit self pitying.  skip down to picture.]

It's interesting.

I entered college with an elevated spirit, a resolution to make things good, a determination to finally find the "happiness" I've always somehow been missing.

I watched my roommate, pent up in all her unhappiness, listened to my friends discuss their plans to somehow shorten their stay.
And it seems we have unknowingly switched roles.

From embracing it all to just barely pulling through, I think I've assembled the last bits of my personality.

I feel, not upset and disappointed, more reserved acceptance, silent realization that maybe college in general is not the right environment for me.  I think I belong submersed in that which is not overrun by human beings.  Not sedentary but nomadic.  Somewhere where I can always miss you, need you.  So I can never grow weary of you.

Don't get me wrong.  I love all of you.

Life is just easier for me in smaller doses.

And life stands still for a moment when I'm not in touch with humanity.

I'm too thin-skinned for my own good.

I'm kind of a loner, but that has such a negative connotation so I don't like to use that word.  But when you break it down, that's essentially what I am.

Maybe that's why I'm drawn to blogging to no one in particular, travel, and science (which in my mind, requires less face-to-face communication than most careers).

I want to spend junior year entirely away from Duke's campus.  Ideally, I won't have to set foot on it.  Study abroad in Italy first semester.  Marine lab second semester.

Worried my GPA won't support this plan...  :[

I want to country hop to taste all the indigenous flavors.

To  document my life in recipes and colorful photographs of local dishes.

I want to speak to strangers in their mother tongue.

To learn just enough without getting too close.

To dress myself up in foreign until I feel at home.

And then to move on

and start all over again.

(no watermelon...just because I thought it was cute that Ann does homework with a spoon :) )